The Ark |
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| Posted by: RobDaHood, 9:42 AM GMT en Julio 01, 2012 | +4 |
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"On it Boss!"
Krissy
(this ought to jar your memory Pottery)
Good Morning Goofy.
Been up since 0200.
Debating a third cup.
I'm in, but I have a couple of blogs of my own to do first! I'll lurk for a while and see where this goes!
Just laying the groundwork this morning.
Well, lets just say it was a very long time ago and leave it at that. It was a moonless night and I was returning home to the little shack I was working out of on the outskirts of Bangkok. I rounded the corner of the house just as he did, but from the opposite direction. We both kinda freaked! Probably would have shot each other right then and there except, well, if you've never seen a Gray alien freak out, there aren't really words to describe it, but trust me it's a hoot!
I was doubled over in laughter, so no shooting. This cause him to start laughing so hard that he literally fell to the ground and started what looked like break dancing.
After a minute or so, I composed myself and helped the little guy to his feet. Not really knowing what else to do, I invited him in for a drink. I fixed him a cup of Earl Grey. He loved it so much that he proceeded over the next few hour to consume all that I had.
He spoke and understood English rather well but when I asked his name, it was something that I couldn't pronounce so I said I would call him Earl Gray.
He thought that this was exceedingly clever and the name stuck.
(It has since become their custom to select English names based on their greatest discovery)
Well, It turns out that Earls ship was experiencing technical difficulties and was parked near my dwelling. Earl had come looking for some material to repair it with.
He needed one box of large natural rubber bands, a box of strike anywhere matches, and a bobby pin. Well, I didn't have a bobby pin, but knew where to get one, so I went to fetch one from a friend and also brought back a pallet of his new favorite beverage.
He was beyond delighted. Turns out that this particular blend of tea induces a very mellow buzz in the Grays. I think it is due to the citrus oil. Their custom is not to accept a gift without giving something of equal or greater value in return. That is when he gave me the plans for the gravity warping drive of The Ark.
We've been friends every since.
Back later this am.
Received call from Krissy. Contacted Earl. This could be trouble. Grey ship ran into mechanical trouble near the edge of Beyond and slipped across a few parsecs near Boldlygo. Did you know they repair a lot of stuff with Duct Tape?
Anyway, they were given the repair materials they needed by a ship from Boldlygo and in return they gave the Captain of the ship that helped them one of the Portable Hole's that they had onboard. The Greys call these units a "JUMP". It stands for Juxtaposition Universal Mega Parsecs.
The normal unit is only designed for a starship. The Grey in the ship was new and didn't realize until it was too late that he gave the Pirate Cpt one of the JUMP's that will transport an entire planet to another location in space.
Knowing how the Grey's tend to be a little loose in their explanations, I asked Earl exactly how far this Jump Unit would transport a planet and he said: Oh, how big is the Universe?
Boldlygo could be anywhere. This is not good.
Will be offline for the next five hours, team has been notified and is enroute to my location, will check back in later for new developments.
Rick.
End of message.
Jar my memory?
I'll have you know, that image jarred my entire physical being.
Every atom of it.
Down to my last appendage.
Including my Ruptured Rib, which is now in some agony from the effects of a Loud Guffaw.
Anyway, in pursuance of your Secret Missige #7973b, I am assembling all the Stuff and Whatnot that will be required for The Mission today, and will soon depart upon one of the Jolly-Boats to perform a Detailed Recon of the Island of Monos (it means Monkey, I think, but that may be a Code of some kind..).
This Mission is Fraught with Perils, for I have been sneakily informed that there may be clues pertaining to the location of What-We-Seek hidden deep within the recesses of one of the coolers.
It's probably a Message-In-A-Bottle, and I will undoubtedly be expected to drain every bottle to find out.
Please know that you can place your Complete Trust in me on this one.
I shall not fail.
Laters, then>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Dear Poncho
Sometime during the last several weeks or years, it's hard to say, we don't know why, it just is, Princess Talks-a-lot was down by the orca pond serenely petting Recherche Critter, as she often does while the Chief is out fishing, and was awakened from her trance like state when your compatriot, Lefty, suddenly without any warning disappeared from his post at the orca pond and has not been heard from since, until early this morning that is.
He has been secreted aboard a prison ship on the outer orbit of Boldlygo. I know this because he always carries with him a shiny object he uses to communicate with me in Marsh Code.
After deciphering the Code, I learned, gleaned or otherwise fabricated his nebulous predicament.
For weeks, or years, he listened to the ominous sound, "click, click, click, click" through his cell door. This is the sound made by the Amazon warden Theona as she calmly paces the bridge of the prison ship.
Only one thing can be deduced, deducted or fabricated from this glaring difference in sounds compared to the "click, clack, click, clack" made by Krissy. Krissy obviously has a hollow heel in her left shoe that was used to secret a small vial of Blanco Bitus. Therefore, Theona's "right" heel must obviously now contain the vial.
Blanco Bitus is the only known antidote to the bite of the White Widow Spider. An exquisite creature actually, worshiped by the Amazons, who's silk is known as The Thin Thread of Theona which is used for weaponry, space craft construction and unfortunately for Senor Lefty, handcuffs.
Senor Poncho, you must contact your driver, the shepster, aka, Poncho's Pilot, and seek solice, solution or spice and come up with some plan, positon or product of dubious definition, description or de-rum. Please do not let him smoke any of the spice.
He seems to have an affirmed affinity, influence and otherwise incoherent association with the honorable and most fortunate Lord Pottery. As they were both exchange students at the Universidad de Trinidad, where they received their degrees in Rumology and the University of The Everglades where they received their degrees in Planing and Wordsmithery.
It is not unknown that both you and Lefty have, in the past, toyed with theshepster's laptop while he sleeps. Hopefully Warden Theona has no plans for Lefty's access to same.
Regards,
Toasted Critter
"Captain who?"
"You know, the band-aid guy!"
"Oh, him!"
Like many here on earth, they consider it one of the top inventions of human civilization.
Pottery,
I have every confidence that you will prevail. Right down to the last bottle. Please...do not give alcohol to the little gray guys. I'll explain below.
ROFL
Well done! I shall have to ponder and digest this new information for a while.
The JUMP variant however is more like a portable wormhole. Since the invention of the Will-B-Wuz they are seldom used as their reliability is dubious at best, and reserved mainly as a method of collecting asteroids for raw materials or for emergency transport if a ships drive is damaged and cannot be repaired.
I also got a little further info from Earl about the Gray vessel and will forward it immediately.
Of course, for every rule there is an exception. About 40 years ago, a young Gray landed in a field in Kentucky and began exploring. He soon grew tired of tipping cows and started investigating nearby structures. He found a case of Jim Beam, tasted it, liked it, and flew home rather recklessly to share his great discovery. Over the years he has developed a tolerance due to some unique gut flora. He stays pink all the time and is not well tolerated by the majority of the Grays, in part for his propensity to pass methane, but mainly due to impaired thinking and constant wackiness. He assumed the name J. B. Bourbon, but behind his back everyone calls him J(only) B(onehead).
Well, J.B. subsist by running a transport liner called the Blunder Bus. Turns out that that is the ship that provided the JUMP hole to the pirates.
So, at least some of this is starting to make sense. The Grays never give those things away.
"Yes, Krissy, unless they ended up in another dimension or alternate timeline, got stuck in a Pbrane or a loop. Whatever the case, we're gonna need a bigger ship, crew, and supplies. Set course for home. I'm in a hurry so go ahead and use the 'dreaded device' I'm heading for the med locker for some aspirin"
Terezi get down from there it's not safe
TO: CPT HOOD
FROM: RANGER RICK
Team has arrived my location. Will fwd photo id and bio for your security computer.
Loading Blackhawks with weapons and supplies for interstellar travel of unknown duration at this time.
Will notify you of departure time to your base camp when preparations are complete.
End of msg.
Team Leader
Likes mini skirts and big pistols
Weapons Expert
Operates well under hot conditions
Fire Support
Believes bigger guns are better guns
Combat Assault Specialist
When you want to send the very best.
Sniper team
Can reach out and touch someone.
That does look like a well rounded bunch of troopers you've got there Rick. Of course Krissy insists on interviewing each of them. You know how protective she is of you.
We should be arriving this evening some time.
We have a missing moon, Boldlygo, that seems to have either intentionally or accidentally gone through a wormhole of questionable reliability, possibly along with an unknown pirate vessel and crew. The pirates allegedly are holding Lefty for unknown reasons. Lefty managed to communicate his situation but it is unclear whether that occurred before or after the wormhole event. We suspect the involvement of a Pink Gray named J.B. Bourbon who seems to be involved in transferring technology in violation of Gray custom and codes. The crew and friends of The Ark are assembling to solve the problem, except for Lord Pottery who is off drinking cold beverages in hope of finding a clue.
One other name that could provide a lead: Warden Theona.
I guess the priority at this point is to rescue Lefty and attempt to find the missing Planet.
Carry on.
Flight may be delayed due to surprise storms.
Will keep you posted as to local status.
Saw that.
Be safe man.
I need a bit of cooling off before higher brain functions kick back in anyway.
If you say so!
:o)
Glad you got a bit of cool breeze to finish your day.
been watching. looks like it might be weakening, but still training over you.
Take care bud. We can always put off story time until tomorrow.
(There are plenty of pics to tide the guys over.)
Not only is today, July 1st, Canada Day, it is also Grothar's Birthday!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO GROTHARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
(Sung in my deep bass voice) :)
You can't figure out where to go from her either, can you RTLSNK?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GROTHAR!
Hope you had a great day and that the year to come is a great one for you!
Out for a shower and some dinner.
This is a Fine Pickle.
Actually, it's not a Fine Pickle as such, but rather a sort on Maelstrom of Sauces and Dips. This story, I mean.
Here I am, here on Planet Earth, and you guys have zoomed off to non-existent places with a Boat-Load of heavily armed gorgeous Operatives with curves.
But my Mission today was a Total Success.
I found The Message in The Bottle (last bottle too, wouldn't you know?)
And soon, later, when I figger out what it says I will enlighten you.
In the meantime, I am Digesting the previous communications, my supper, and the knowledge that all's well.
That is rather nice after the last 3 days.
Maybe we won't move to Alaska after all. :)
We need clues Pottery, clues!
I will probably be asleep by then, but do enlighten us will you? :)
After our afternoon nap, theshepster and I awoke to check our messages. There were none to be found on our normally used channels that Lefty and I use while theshepster sleeps. I did however notice a small, blue flashing icon buried within a link to Lefty's diary where he keeps a record of his, shall we say, encounters with the opposite sex. I found that confounding as theshepster particularly finds flashing blue lights quite annoying and a threat to his, shall we say, subversive proclivities and Lefty always logs out of his password protected files. He is still logged in.
I clicked on the link and found the following recording in a garbled unrecognizable voice :
Hey Ponchomon, how's it hanging?
Sorry I left my post without checking in, but I noticed we were out of Marlboros, so I ran to town to get more where I met an old acquaintance and we decided to take off for a few, Hope that's OK.
The day has been quite enjoyable and the coming setting of the Blue Moon promises a night to be remembered.
Don't worry about me and please don't send anyone looking for me.
Just prior to the ending, you could hear footsteps walking away from the mike.
"Click, click, click, click".
End of message.
Captain Hood, I am disturbed, yeah I know we all know that, but really, this is disturbing.
Lefty and I don't smoke, Lefty never wears shoes and the moon ain't "blue".
He has however, been known to be less than forthcoming and cunningly subversive simply for, shall we say, any opportunity to diddle with the ladies' critters. Lefty has never been known to be shy and always comes straight to the point.
That is overwhelming suspect here as I noticed another link posted just prior to transmission silence.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6pwO8vWU1s
It is possible that Warden Theona loves a good card game and that my dear compatriot is simply trying to make the best of a dire situation.
We must not give up the hunt.
Regards,
Poncho
Yes, yes...
I am working on them.
But they are of the most Dubious Sort, and my brain is all a-fuddle tonight.
Maybe too much sun, pleasure and debaucherous behaviour (combined with an ageing metabolism) during the past 12 hrs or so has caused a slight glitch within the dimly lit rooms of my cranial cavity.
I feel a strong and urgent call to slink off to bed and bury my head deep within the feathers and foibles of the night.
So I will dream on it, and report tomorrow, if you don't mind.
In the meantime, Sheph seems to have his finger on the Pulse of the matter, and I am sure he will continue to enthral us with his creativity.
Nice ones tonight, Sheph!
Got my rib hurting something terrible, but worth every agony.
zzzzzzz time....
"Would you come to Eh? Deck and look at them with me?"
What could I say?
When we had stared out at the stars for an appropriate time I went over to give her an hug but she pointed at an hole in the starscape: There was Boldlygo busy blocking light from stars. I'm the carpenter, not the navigator, so I can not give coordinates. Could be last year or a dream or a song from Starship
he mailed you to me here in Macon,
I put you on my screen and when I hit enter,
it should transfer you back to NJ,
OK, get ready, could be a rough ride,
ENTER.......ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPP
OK, Goofy is on his way back to NJ.
Gee, I hope someone is home at his house.
Never thought of that. :)
Need coffee, back later.
OH, sorry, I just checked with Earl, that happens sometimes when you are transported through the internet, Earl said to place both hands on your keyboard and hit the "BACKSPACE" bar one time and your feet will reverse themselves. He said only hit the backspace bar ONE TIME.
Don't ask why, you don't want to know. :)
TO: Captain Hood
FROM: Ranger Rick
Talked to Earl this morning regarding Goofy's feet being on backwards. You know Earl's little iritating habit of not telling us all the details about stuff? That was one of them.
He said when you sent us the message by internet while the Will-B-Wuz was on it leaked a little Wuz into every computer that connects to your computer. Everyone needs to be aware that odd things will be happening until you arrive home and shut down the Will-B-Wuz unit.
Perhaps you need to have a little heart to heart with your little buddy and find out what else he didn't tell me. He seemed a little put out that I contacted him without "Your" permission. I don't take kindly to that sort of treatment.
Did I ever mention to you guys that I am not really a big fan of Mondays!
Sorry, it was early and I just thought Goofy's shoes were on backwards. Happens sometimes when you try to get dressed before coffee. Knew that RTL would know what to do.
The Will-B-Wuz was perfected about 80 years ago (earth time) by a fellow named (you guessed it) Bill. It allows, through the creation of inter-dimensional wormholes for a vessel to travel back and forward in time (where you will be or where you wuz) but is seldom used to avoid things like being your own grandfather or the shock of meeting your much older self. Most often, as in this case, you travel sideways, allowing you to move from one point to another nearly instantaneously. The one caveat being you can't just engage the thing, you have to be moving at a significant percentage of the speed of light first. At least 25 percent. Something about a bow wave of certain subatomic particles that I suppose it scoops up like a ramjet. I really don't understand how the thing works just that it does. Earl tried to explain it once, but like everything else about the demon drive, it gave me a headache.
Anyway, I don't usually come in this hot, but I was in a bit of a hurry so we waited as long as possible before dropping out and returning to normal flight.
I can't disclose all the details of the Ark gravity warping drives, but it creates a field that warps space around the craft. When the field is spherical you stay put. by warping the field into an oblong or egg shape, the craft will free-fall in that direction accelerating, or in this case, decelerating indefinitely (up to .999 light speed) until the field returns to a normal spherical shape.
The added advantage, but sometimes an issue, it that all forms of radiation, including light, follow the curvature of the field around the ship so it can not be seen or detected by any known means. By manipulating the field, one can create openings for stuff to pass through when needed.
A TAISO officer met us at the dock with a ream of messages. I began scanning these on my way to the COC.
Time to get a plan moving forward.
Quarter Master Poppy's report showed all supplies, munitions, and vehicles at 100%
Stat's forecast showed a Typhoon fast approaching and expected to intensify, but skies clear for normal flight ops for the next few hours.
Ranger Rick's team was aboard and ready.
More reports from other crew and friends, including an interesting one from British Columbia and a cryptic message from Pancho.
Krissy saw that everything was in order and took her leave to meet Rick's new girls.
"What about Uppy?" I asked just as she was walking out.
"Still no word..." and she was off.
"Storm is moving in so we've got to get moving. Lt. Commander Uppy is still on leave, assumed to be working on his thesis 'Advanced Construction Techniques for Snow Forts in a Warming Climate' but possibly just being kept busy by Freyda, the owner of the 'Don't you wish your yeti was hot like me' bar and grill. Our best lead at this time is the alleged sighting of a blue moon over British Columbia last night. Rick, I'd like you to take your team and Uppy's ship, the Rharger Max, and follow up on that. You might also consider taking Pancho with you. The little critter wants to help and he might help you to interpret any clues left by Lefty. He also has a very good sense of hearing and smell that might be useful."
"Toasted critter and his associates will work with TAISO* in an intelligence gathering capacity and continue to monitor for possible messages from Lefty"
"Our priorities at this point are the safety of the inhabitants of the moon 'Boldlygo' and the recovery of Lefty. Apprehension of parties responsible is a secondary consideration. Rules of engagement: At this point we are gathering intelligence. If you come in contact with hostile elements, you are not to engage unless fired upon. Should you observe activity that poses a clear and present danger to yourselves, the principles, or others, you are clear to take whatever action that you feel justified in the situation."
"Kristoff and his group are conducting mining operations in the cave network at Rabbit Hole. They are standing by to offer logistical support and whatever help you require."
"Rick, you've been so busy training up your new team that your COMSEC protocols and authentication codes are out of date. Krissy briefed your team leader and provide her with new encryption chips...Earl isn't upset...you just freaked him out a bit. My fault."
Okay, if there are no further questions, Krissy, get this bird in the air.
(*TAISO-The Ark Intelligence Services Office)
Have to get a little work done now.
Back later.
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